Looking in the Face of Suicide

Tim Clinton defines suicide as the “tragic and lethal culmination of a psychological process that results from unresolved events that create depression and hopelessness.” Suicide occurs once one has come to the ‘end of their rope,’ ‘lost all hope,’ and “cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel!’ The thought of suicide occurs from the depths of despair, and is an effort to relieve themselves of pain. I’ve looked in the face of suicide for many years, as a clinician.

Upon beginning my career as a mental health counselor. I provided counseling for children, adolescents, and adults that were experiencing a psychiatric crisis. These crises many times included thoughts of death and dying, urges to harm themselves, or have deep feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. My role was to assess their level of risk and determine their need for intensive levels of treatment and care. The pain for many was indescribable, and had become to difficult to continue to bear. Gary P. Stewart writes “the problem is not that such despairing people want to die; it is that they do not know how to live.”

Why is Discussing Suicide Important?

1. According to the Center for Disease Control suicide is now one of the 10 leading causes of death.
2. The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that suicide is the third leading cause of death for adolescents age 15 to 19 years old.
3. According to Psychology Today more than 3,000 people die by suicide each day.
4. Again the CDC, reports that in 2015 44,000 committed suicide, and the highest number of suicides in the U.S. in 2015 occurred among people ages 45 to 54.

The reason one may commit suicide can never truly be explained, because the loved one is not here to provide that valuable and needed insight and/or understanding. Even if they left a note or message it still never truly absolves one of the distress of the loss. Yet, some rationales can include unfilled hopes or desire and unexpected and significant life changes that include:

• Bankruptcy
• Job loss
• Divorce or death of a spouse
• Disability
• Foreclosure
• Physical illness
• Sudden loss or significant life change
• Feelings of loneliness or being misunderstood

What Risk, Signs, and Symptoms Should I Look For?

• History of depression marked by significant levels of isolation/withdrawal, shift from personal interest, hopelessness, and worthless.
• An increase in substance use/abuse.
• The report of seeing and hearing things that are not there.
• Increase in talk, writings, or drawings of death or dying.
• Giving away of important, sentimental, or valuable items with no understandable rationale.

How to Help?

1. Listen. Do not attempt fix the person or say the problem they are experiencing is not that big of a deal. It is a big deal! It is the pain they are experiencing. IT IS IMPORTANT TO THEM. Your loved one wants to be heard, validated, and understood.
2. Learn to Sit in Discomfort. Often times we desire to fix or find a solution to a problem. When what is really needed is your presence and comfort. It is okay to not know what to do. Be there and be present! Let them know you will not leave them alone.
3. Link to Professional Support. Help your love one identify profession support via a local hospital to receive a crisis assessment to determine their level of risk. Thereafter, they will be connected to the necessary treatment of care at a hospital for observation and care, care at a residential setting, and/or individual and group therapy to learn skills to manage their thoughts and feelings.

Special Note:
If you are the one feeling the great sense of hopelessness and despair do not allow the barriers of stigma, shame, and disappointment get in the way of seeking support and professional help!

As a clinician it is my desire is to help you learn how to handle unfulfilled hopes, desires, expectation, and disappointments in life. It is important to understand that “hope deferred make the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life” according to Proverbs 13:12 ESV. It may be important to grieve the expected timeline for certain. This is not the actual hope, desire, or dream but the time we had the expectation. Lastly, it is important to extend to yourself self-love, compassion, and forgive yourself of regrets. You are WORTHY!

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